Gay Triage

Patient 1: Patient is a white male 23 years of age. Patient arrived at 0115 to BAR. Presents with mystifying green eyes, solid sense of humor, bright smile that could land planes at O'Hare, and a wonderful ability to make everything better. Patient reports no pain, but loss is not so easily disguised. VS: within normal limits, however euphoria seems to take over cognition. Patient requires extensive baggage removal, two martinis, and unending support. Will continue to monitor.

Patient 2: Patient is a white male 20 years of age. Patient arrived at 2232 to BAR. Presents with multiple wounds the heart, ego, and self-esteem. Patient states, "I just never get what I want. Am I ugly? I'm too fat. It's alright, you don't have to agree with me, I know." 2250 Doctor Johnson called for psyche consult. Patient referred to Psychiatric Care.

Patient 3: 0335 Patient is a black female 24 years of age. Presents with severe abdominal discomfort accompanied by emesis and occasional vertigo. Orders for pushed fluids and and hair follicle restraint implemented. Patient Hx would suggest an extended period of drinking followed by periods of black-out. Patient has been ignored by family for 10 years, and has attempted to execute a series of short-lived relationships. Currently, she is living with a woman 23 years her senior in an attempt to feel love and adoration. 0950 Patient refused care and retreated to a gin joint in her leather jacket. Discharge papers signed, "Mommy issues."

Patient 4: 1545 Patient is a latino male 22 years of age. Presents with severe confusion and disorientation. Unable to obtain accurate VS due to heart beating out of chest. S/S of increased anxiety and irrational fear. Doctor Haden ordered 1 box trojan condoms, 10 count, and one bottle WET lube. Patient given medication per doctors order and discharged with instruction to, "Kick up your heels and fuck!"


xoxo
natey