10 Things I learned in Iowa City

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1. The Mexicans at Pancheros are TOTALLY making fun of you, therefore it is TOTALLY acceptable to be dissatisfied with the flatness of your made-to-order-burrito.

2. Everybody's on something. Whether it's blow or low blood glucose cuz you're a crazy-militant-New Pioneer Food Co.-Vegan, or "Omigod! I have four projects due in 12 hours and I spent the last 2.5 weeks drunker than a freshman on prom night. Due to this fact, it should just be assumed that everyone's on edge and ready to snap.

3. It's always time for a drink. I don't care if it's 10 AM or Bar close. It's always time for a drink.

4. If you flirt with the gay at Konnexions and tell him he's pretty, you can get a discount.

5. The best drag queens in Iowa are in Iowa City. There's one or two in other venues, but Iowa City has the densest population of "WOOOOOOOOOOORK"ing girls.

6. Really drunk girls at bro bars can't tell the difference between Queers and Breeders, even when you tell her that her l.e.i. low-rise button fly jeans really don't go with her pay-less b.o.g.o. strappy sandals.

7. Walking down South Johnson at 3:35 AM can be hazardous to your homo-health. Like the Asians, stupid heteros travel in packs and carry razor blades in their cheeks.

8. "I've got a meeting I'm late for." is an acceptable fuck you that will get you out of any conversation with people you really don't care to see. Like the guy you blew off on MH last night and then saw at Studs and wouldn't dance with....

9. Smart phones have been surgically implanted in everyone's hands. You didn't say it if you didn't tweet it, you're not friends unless you "like" my status on the face, you didn't go unless you checked in on 4square.

10. Your friends can get you through anything. Choose wisely, and once you do, you'll have family.

Unless you live it, you have no idea what it's like to be in your twenties, single, queer, and free. Many people can say you don't know what their life is like until you walk a mile in their shoes. I'm not talking about personal life experiences, and sappy emotional moments where music swells and you have your first heart break. I'm talking in the over-generalized sense of what I experience.

There's a collective conscientiousness among young gay men. Be thin, beautiful, tan and tight. Dance well, hold your liquor, never hesitate with a witty come-back, and above all else, make "it' about you. This has existed since time began; when the first neanderthal looked out over the rocky plain and saw a young man sunning himself on a boulder, He felt a quiver beneath his beaver pelt, and next thing you know the rocks are covered in cum.

Sex is everywhere in our culture. It drives our purchases, our likes and dislikes, and is the reason every gay man thinks he's fat. With us, sex is so in your face because for so long we are told what we desire is abnormal. Sleeping Beauty didn't wake up because some big burly butch Dyke kissed her and built her a deck. Though you knew they were fucking, Batman and Robin never kissed each other after they saved a life.

So our PRIDE parades have 95% naked men dancing in bubbles, and if you ever watched the L Word, you know that getting fingered at the Opera can create white the climax during the Aria.

On top of all this sexual aggression and pressure to fit into it, drugs are everywhere you look. Pot, cocaine, and crystal being the en vogue drugs of today. One can abstain from any or all of these and be fine, but there is something magical about a Rihanna Remix at 1:30 AM mixed with too much booze that tends to make one lose their inhibitions in a quick hurry. I've seen young kids be carried off of a dance floor covered in their own vomit, and no one misses a beat.

Danger is the third lady at this table. Danger and thrill are what make everything worth it. It's why you go home with the guy you just met at the bar 15 minutes ago. It's why you drink too much around sweaty people you don't know and dance so hard your legs hurt the next morning. It's walking down the street holding hands with your significant other. It's hanging a rainbow flag from your office balcony. It's getting a rainbow tattoo. Danger is the lube that makes everything slip into the place where it feels just right. Danger is the fear that you won't be able to pick up anybody at the bar, and that's why you work out ten times harder, and eat one less meal.

Sex, drugs, and danger, everything we hold dear. This is a slice of what it's like to be queer, young, and beautiful.

A Dream

my main goal is this whole non profit dorm deal: When you are cast out it's easy to feel like no one loves you. It's easy to let that pain turn into anger, let that anger boil over, consume you and lead you to make choices that aren't in your best interest. People need to know they are loved, and sometimes your parents aren't the best to raise you. sometimes it takes a village. I wanna see that village thrive, and beautiful people come out of it

I'm sick and tired of seeing HIV rates rise, Drug abuse rise, Physical abuse and suicide rise. I'm god damned tired of it.and i want to do something about it


For years it has been my dream to open a place where people who are cast out from their homes can find a new place to live. Find a place to grow up, a place to thrive and discover themselves.

Too many people in our community get pushed out of their families. When you lose the people who you thought loved you, it's easy to feel alone. When you feel alone it's easy to find comfort it all the wrong places. Often that lonely feeling breeds anger, which manifests into making decisions that aren't in your best interest. we've all been there, we've all done it.

I want there to be a place where kids can get through school, learn who they are, and become prepared young adults in the process.

It's just a dream

Toaster Clarification

Way back in the day, when you opened a new account at a bank, or an insurance company, you would receive a gift. Often this token of the capitalist systems gratitude was a toaster.

In the Community, often you will find people who have come out with the assistance of another. Usually either a fairy that wants to fuck you, or a seemingly well-adjusted lesbian. When these people assist others to better know a cock-or-vag, they gain what is called a "toaster"

Please consider the following scenario:

Lesbian A, lives down the hall in the dorm from Straight Girl B. (Feesh Lover)
Lesbian A introduces herself to Feesh Lover and they become the best of friends. Bonding over sad songs and similar collegiate problems.
Lesbian A comes out to Feesh Lover and they become even closer.
Lesbian A comes on to Feesh Lover at a drunken Saturday night house party.
Feesh lover wakes up the next morning and calls her best friend from high school who went to a Christian College.
Feesh lover struggles over her sexuality for days, and doesn't speak to our beloved Lesbian A during this time.
Feesh Lover sends Lesbian A a very telling and emotional Facebook Message.
Lesbian A rushes to Feesh Lover's room in the middle of the night, they do things.
Feesh lover get's a tattoo and declares herself Lesbian B.

Lesbian A has gained a toaster.

Hopefully this clarifies things for you chillun who don't understand us "old broads"

xoxo
Nate

Life's problems, like good soup, always better the second day

If you want him
Go and find him
Tell him he's your only need
Be the boy he needs to play with
Be the man he longs to hold
If in your heart
You start to find
He is always on your mind
It won't be long 'till you feel
What the night has to reveal
Men will run from one to the next
Without crying, remorse,or regrets
We build up walls to guard our hearts
Telling ourselves, "you're being so smart"
But safe don't make for a very good scene
If the only one watching your ass
Is the mirror
Those border lines are getting much clearer
So you stray away
From your fake feeling path
Say you yourself there's no going back
You're on this track
There's a hard line
Between love and fucking
Trying to prove
What exactly is a mystery
Best left to the gods


"I'm dreaming
So come inside
Welcome to my
Filthy mind"

Beautiful Disaster

I'm not pretty like your last boyfriend
And I'm not clever like the one before him
I've got my flaws you say you love them all
And when I can tell you're lying you smile like a creepy doll

Please don't be awkward when we break up
I'm sure the next boy will be a "great fuck"
We've cut each other so deep we'll bleed for the rest of our lives
The truths in the cards and we weren't meant to be wives

The next boy could be the diamond you need
Strong, unbending, easy to read
But what's the fun in knowing the future
When you break the skin you still need a suture

Our arrangement isn't for the faint of heart
Because sometimes when we sing you forget your part
I'll compensate, elaborate, and concentrate
I think I'd get the same rise if I masturbate