Each Bar is a castle, Each castle has a Queen.
Each Queen has some sisters who reign there with her
Each Queen rules over a dominion of beasts
Each Dominion is a Beast unto itself

Each Queen has a story of how she became the Top
and in her stories there are truths and Bottoms
Because of this understanding
and of those understandings to be revealed
I propose a documentary film

Beneath make-up, there is skin
The only armor that washes off

Spinnin' right round in star dust

"This is only temporary and too shall pass"
but living the moment is can be an extraordinarily large pain in the ass.
You knew better, he wanted sustainability
turns out your REAL fears are required for vulnerability

I got you to sleep, I secured your home

I stood here with you, stood up off my thrown
If it's a fact that love can survive
Then know you're truth first
you need to decide.

What are your wants. What are your needs? What is essential? Where are you going?

Aggression can do many things

but it's never built a single thing
Wisdom, and planning, and understanding
are what you need for sustainability.

In the morning, we'll cry. You'll ask again, "Why?"
and I'll repeat your alibi.
Remind you e did what we had to
ask you, again, what it means to be true.
consider conducting our night through
and digest every minute.
Don't let the sorrow take you over,
in love you get hurt.
Gentlemen, usually do.

You make me wanna get love drunk on lust
retrain my heart how to trust
ya keep me spinnin right round in star dust

But the Mirror Says "No" to Me

A busted door, a blurred vision

and so begins my blurry mission

though you wished for it all

you found yourself in free-fall
a burdened beast in your own time.

I do my damndest to keep free of your bond
But you involved my loves
and rushed your flood of tears into my pond
In here fish swim differently
we know what we see
and trouble around us becomes the "T"

But paths still taken, though heartless can rule
Your world is ill-grounded the paths can still move
waiting for your response
it banks on whether you're drunk, your needs, your wants

So a fire got started and flames were thrown
the brighter they burn the more that you've shown
machines can only preserve the past
they cannot make the future last

Stevie wrote the words to our movie
we played the parts she wasn't afraid to create
A Gold Dust Woman, and a Gypsy.
Who's right or wrong?
It's Rhiannon we all wish to be
But the Mirror Says "No" to Me.

I Go Back

The truest lines
I've ever written
Have come to me
From those I've bitten
Moments in time
Captured in memory
An arrow shot just so
It breaks through my armory

The best you can do
Is try to find harmony
In days that seem filled
With endless monotony
Long ago I promised
To tell the truth
To lie would be unkind
To lie would be uncouth
But the truth has a way
Of reminding me
It's never that easy
To find harmony

So I go back: To the white of the paper
The black of my pen
I go back to times when I was fooled again
So I go back: To the blush of the morning
The thrill of the night
I go back to what I feel is right

The best lie
I ever told
Was that it would be easy
Just to grow old

Age has a way
of reminding you
pain can be tragic
But you've got to stay true
In another time
I was a travelling bard
But time has had it's say
and I became hard

So I go back: To the white of the paper
The black of my pen
I go back to times when I was fooled again
So I go back: To the blush of the morning
The thrill of the night
I go back to what I feel is right

Throw your papers on the fire
Watch the smoke dance on the wind
Tell me baby, can I go back again
Listen to the prophets and the lies they tell
Find solace in a stranger who releases you from your own hell

So I go back: To the white of the paper
The black of my pen
I go back to times when I was fooled again
So I go back: To the blush of the morning
The thrill of the night
I go back to try to figure out how to make it right

Not a prayer in the world could save us

What's inside Us (A really old song)

Go out and play after every storm
you wanna stay inside where it's nice and warm

but that's where the thunder rolled
that's where the lightning struck
You gotta get on up and dance or you gonna be

really fucked

Every day there's pain and trauma
it's how you move that keeps your life warmer
I won't lie it can't be easy to move on
after all you've been through
after all you've chewed on

But to dance in the flames is a gift from the Gods
of love and lust and what's inside of us.

I'mma sing it to em now
I can love a man so deeply
I can be sharp and true
I can make him weep when I say that
"Baby, you my only boo"
I can make ya fall so hard
ain't no one gonna love ya like I do

But when he hurts me badly
In part because I love him madly
Tears streamin' down my face
Guess I lost this chase

But it's a gift from the Gods to dance in the flames
of Love and Lust and what's inside us

For those who choose to exploit our sexuality, rather than celebrate our Divinity!

(Note: I wrote this after reading, on the Face, that one of the best entertainers I've ever seen got shade while buying nails at Walgreen's Pharmacy. I aint-a-havin' that! This one's for you, Sasha Belle!)

See a boy buying nails at the CVS

Wanna step to him like...
Like this whole day ain't been a test
I see your eyes are low
and your muggs are mean,
but don't treat that man
like he ain't a QUEEN!

He gets on the stage most ev'ry night
with 3-hours-a work
painted on his face, right!
Straps up them heels
laces up her bright gown.
Goes out to entertain his whole damn town!
With a message of love, and understanding, and truth:
hair so high she'll raise that roof!
She swallows the fear
and straps-on his pride
like without him the whole world wouldda died.

Now here's the T
I'm only startin' to spit mean:
Only reason that you laughin
'cuz your eyes be green.
Takes ten times the guts you got on your hand
to stand before a crowd and lead this land.
If you had the balls to do what she do,
if you had the talent to do what she do:
Then you'd be on stage, not slingin' discounts, Boo!

You Betta Werq! (To all the boys in High Heels)

If you wanna take the crown
you better do as I say
and get up! Off the ground.
If you wanna be free,
just listen to me,
and be brave when you're pushed around!
You gotta stand your ground
when they're in your face!
Find your fierce, and put 'em in their place!
Nobody said it's easy on your own!
A Queen's gotta work hard to sit on that thrown.
Nobody messes with a man in black,

but it takes a boy in a dress to launch a MASSIVE ATTACK!

It's heels and hair,

and glitter everywhere!
Throwin' shade, and chasin' trade.
Hands up!"
Ass Down!
With her feet on the ground.
She's got the leather and lace to run this town!
He'll give you fierce, fine, face,
and a body that's Ace!
The Gurls wanna be her
the boys want her number.
She's learned her lessons from here to there
and the haters they love her 'cuz she's everywhere!

They say, "The bigger the hair, the closer to God!"
But this bad bitch puts the devil out of a job!
And if you question the look

it's not found in a book!
Just say "Yes Ma'am!"
and she'll bring you the hook!

Where I'm at right now

It's time for another post that nobody will read/comment on. :)

A week ago I went through my second spinal surgery, removing half of my L4 disc. A week post-op I'm still going through incredible pain with every movement. Time will tell if surgery was successful, and I'm really hoping that it will be. I've moved back in with my parents which has been it's own adventure. This was caused by unemployment caused by the back pain caused by employment. Going through this for the second time, I'm wondering if I'm not witnessing a vicious circle of events that will haunt me until I change a piece of that circle. I worry about changing those pieces though, because Nursing is all I've ever known.

Nursing fits my personality and my skills-set very well. I get to be reminded every day that I'm needed, I get to fix people, I get to feel accomplished at the end of the day. I don't know that I'm ready to give that up. I may change the way in which I'm working, but I don't think the crux of my employment will change anytime soon.

In the past year I've moved quite a few times, which has made me feel as though my life was in constant transition. I moved to Lisbon, then Iowa City, 3 apartments within Iowa City, and then back home, right where I started from. This has taught me the importance of planning and consideration in my next move. Whats important now is to get healed, get back to work, then get back into my own living space. From there I can start to rebuild my life again, but build it differently this time.

It's not important to reach every goal you set for yourself completely. Perfection doesn't exist in this universe. What is important is that you give an earnest effort, and do your damndest. Right now my goal is to get through each day. Building blocks.

I would like to move to Minneapolis and seek a job outside of healthcare within the next year. Small town livin' just isn't for me, and doesn't assist the life that I see for myself. It is necessary right now that I set the life that I see for myself on the back burner, and concentrate instead on getting a steady footing. You can't have the life you want, without first having a life to live. This is hard to accept, because I'm once again in a place where I don't really have any solid-go-to-friends. Of course there are people who I find wonderful, but it's not the same as having your besties around you. Johnnie and Ryan kept me sane in Iowa City, and kept my head from spinning around the cavalcade of characters that went in and out of my life. Here, I'm on my own.

Dear Natey: Ask Abby With A Queens Perspective!

1. Dear Natey,
I love my boyfriend very much, but we have NOTHING in common. He loves showtunes, has horrible taste, and is very much a home-body. I’m a rocker, have a modern taste in everything, and love going out to have a good time. I don’t want to break it off with him, but neither of us will budge on these issues, and we’re fighting a lot. What can I do?

Signed, Modern Taste

Dear Modern,
Part of a healthy relationship is give-and-take between the two of you. If he's playing Broadway music at all hours, get headphones. Perhaps you could meet him half-way on going out. Plan a dinner party and invite your friends, that way he's happy being in, and you get to have a good time with your people. I also suggest setting aside one night a week as "date night." Just the two of you, to keep that flame of love burning. There's nothing better than a romantic, special evening with just the two of you. As far as style goes, that's a very personal subjective thing. If the issue is home decor, go shopping together and find things you both appreciate. If the issue is clothing, you should be doing your best to get him out of them as often as possible.

1. Dear Natey,
My girlfriend is addicted to her smart phone. She’s constantly texting, facebooking, twittering, checking in on 4square, and it’s driving me nuts. We can’t even have a dinner together without her being on her phone for 90% of it. We even get yelled at when we go to movies. Whenever I bring it up she gets very defensive and pouts for hours, of course talking about it on twitter.

Help!, Textually Exasperated

Dear Textually,

Smart phones are the new black. Everybody has one and once they get into them, there's no turning back. How are you bringing the issue up? If she gets defensive when you bring it to her attention, maybe it's time for a new approach. I suggest asking her in a calm collected manner, "Could you please put the phone down for a while? I miss our conversation." Throw something in there about why you fell for her in the first place, and give her hands something to do other than hold her Black Berry.

If You'd like to write in to "Dear Natey" send an email to Nathan.Note@gmail.com. All questions remain confidential.

splitting up my heart

Writing on the back of a note you wrote me

months ago when we were still friends

I'm writing down the words to this song

it's short and sweet but the melody never ends

convince my thoughts not to roam

convince my body that you're home

convince my soul that you won't break it apart

'cuz you gotta convince me

I'm done splitting up my heart

Men have played me for fools

left me standing holding my book of rules

and whats harder is this box full of tools

none of them seem to work on me

guess I'm screwed

Convince my thoughts not to roam

convince my body that you're home

Convince my soul that you wont break it apart

'Cuz baby, I'm done splitting up my heart

Now you're sittin' in that bar

Staring into your drink

trying to remember who you are

Boy I've been there, and yes I know it's rough

But it's nights like these that make boys tough

Try not to worry 'bout your tomorrows

Tonight we're drinking away our sorrows

Convince my lips to meet yours

Convince my eyes to take a tour

of all the brilliance inside your face

Boy show me nobody could ever take your place

10 Things I learned in Iowa City

Not suitable for view by those who pay for your education.

1. The Mexicans at Pancheros are TOTALLY making fun of you, therefore it is TOTALLY acceptable to be dissatisfied with the flatness of your made-to-order-burrito.

2. Everybody's on something. Whether it's blow or low blood glucose cuz you're a crazy-militant-New Pioneer Food Co.-Vegan, or "Omigod! I have four projects due in 12 hours and I spent the last 2.5 weeks drunker than a freshman on prom night. Due to this fact, it should just be assumed that everyone's on edge and ready to snap.

3. It's always time for a drink. I don't care if it's 10 AM or Bar close. It's always time for a drink.

4. If you flirt with the gay at Konnexions and tell him he's pretty, you can get a discount.

5. The best drag queens in Iowa are in Iowa City. There's one or two in other venues, but Iowa City has the densest population of "WOOOOOOOOOOORK"ing girls.

6. Really drunk girls at bro bars can't tell the difference between Queers and Breeders, even when you tell her that her l.e.i. low-rise button fly jeans really don't go with her pay-less b.o.g.o. strappy sandals.

7. Walking down South Johnson at 3:35 AM can be hazardous to your homo-health. Like the Asians, stupid heteros travel in packs and carry razor blades in their cheeks.

8. "I've got a meeting I'm late for." is an acceptable fuck you that will get you out of any conversation with people you really don't care to see. Like the guy you blew off on MH last night and then saw at Studs and wouldn't dance with....

9. Smart phones have been surgically implanted in everyone's hands. You didn't say it if you didn't tweet it, you're not friends unless you "like" my status on the face, you didn't go unless you checked in on 4square.

10. Your friends can get you through anything. Choose wisely, and once you do, you'll have family.

I don't miss you yet

You had my heart in your hands

and taught me all of your tricks

I grew up cool, mean, and fast

watchin' you get your kicks

didn't take me long to see my trouble

If I stick with you better order a double

You taught me all that I know

Showed me some of what I needed

I got a lot that I wanted if I wasn't conceded

Now we should get over our fight

You've had too much whiskey tonight

So I don't miss you yet

I wish I had a story of regret

Or better yet,

If I could say "I'm sorry"

and mean even one word

you don't make me feel

like time with you is real

you've got mass appeal but one-on-one

you can't seem to get it done.

So I don't miss you yet.

Mind games

He's dead to the world
throwing herself around
he needs those million boys
to hold him to the ground
nights like these are spent learning emotion
for that day you give your dethroned devotion
He's inhaled too much of your scent now
you're the one that's stuck on his mind.

Hell show you the world if you let him
he'll give you his heart if you show him the grind
you're miles apart and barely speaking
always just a step behind his changing mind

closer now he's got your heart
holding you down when he starts
pulling away and making up excuses
do you feel like your time is useless
I'm gonna need a new bottle and a pack-a-cigarettes
if I'm ever to define this changing mind

I get to thinking after we've been drinking
what is it about you that makes me stay
is it those soft lips in a french kiss
or the sounds you make when we play

Well I'm the life of the party
a little bit naughty
or a pretty young barbie who sings to you
but you've only known me when I've been lonely
so you don't believe that's true

Good night my dear I'll see you soon
thanks for your time and bottles wine
the way the sun holds your face
i could not erase
the memory of you from my mind.