Recently I've been trying to be more aware of my surroundings, where I am in life, and how I can get where I want to go without losing my mind. A lot of really shitty things have happened recently.
1. I herniated two fibrocartilage discs in my back lifting a resident off the floor at work. It really hurts, more so because the herniations are pushing on my sciatic nerve, which means that the entirety of my right leg is in agony a lot. My surgeon wants to do surgery (haha) but as I can't afford it at the moment, I'm stuck living with the pain. The 10 daily percocet that i've been taking to stifle the white hot anger in my body are starting to no longer have an affect. Which means not only is my back broken, but i'm developing a dependency on opiates. *start the ziggy marley song*
2. I'm starting to fall off the cliff again on my school work. I'm pretty caught up, and really am trying to force myself to do it, but it's so dilly-damn difficult. Problem is, I can't pinpoint why i have such a problem focusing and getting myself to do the work. I don't think i have any more ADD than the next boy, but it becoming an ever more present possibility.
3. Today the front bumper fell off my car, Wilma. Thankfully my little brother is much more mechanical than I am, and he was able to secure it back on with zip-ties. Love my brudder.
4. Somebody teach me how to save money. I don't have that many things, I don't spend it on prostitutes, but somehow it seems to disappear faster than America's Next Top Model.
5. My Cable got shut off today because I couldn't pay the bill, which means that I'll miss my shows for at least another week, probably more. What ever will i do without the Real Housewives of New York City?
I'm not bitching, as much as I'm trying to find perspective and be okay with my current situation. A good Lesbi-friend of mine once told me that "The Universe's objective is to keep you down and make you feel pain. Only by being one resiliant mother fucker can you get that bitch off your back."
There are still good things in my days for me to focus on. I just need to make it a point to focus on them.
1. I'm still employed.
2. I have very good people only a phone call away
3. I still get to be in the know regarding gayopolis.
4. Between a class and a Lab today I was rummaging through a box of old college things. I found a present that a great friend gave me a couple years back. It's a keep-sake box with pictures of a group of friends and myself all over it. I smiled for hours on that one.
Also, It's legal for the faeries and the butches to get married now. How wonderful!
I can only hope that it doesn't get stripped away from us. This is victim-ish speech, i know, but the truth of the matter is, it can so easily be turned upside down, that I fear it's going to take even more work than it took to get the case heard, to keep our rights.
And come on, Legalizing same-sex marriage is one of the brightest things that Iowa can do. Most people think that Iowa is a bunch of red-neck hillbillies driving 'round in their ford pick up trucks wrustlin' hogs and growin' corn. If there's an in-pour of Queer into this state, we could be put on the map. There's lots of land for beautiful houses, Huge potential for pottery barn, and Lord knows Iowans like to eat, restaurants!
I really do have to get back to work, lots of things due for the online classes.
In closing, Queers: Come to the corn state and get yurself hitched up right and proper
Universe: be nicer to me, i'm in a fragile state
I also need help with what to do with my hair.
