I had a relationship with a wonderful person whom I can see myself becoming friends with again, should the opportunity strike. This individual, Kelly, is two years my senior, and has a wonderfully bubbly personality. She lights up a room when she enters it, she commands attention. This errant way of commanding attention is what, I think, attracted me to her in the first place.
Preinteraction Awareness: When I first met Kelly, the second day that I was at State, she walked into the food court of the Memorial Union with a ball cap, bill towards her left shoulder, a black long sleeved tightly knit shirt, and a pair of baggy Diesel jeans. She wore a leather bracelet around her left wrist, rings on all but two of her fingers, a loose black belt around her waist, and three chains around her neck. Kelly sat down to the table of people gathered and got right into business; we discussed the years plans, how things would pan out, and what direction we wanted to take the Alliance in that year. As a freshman who thought quite highly of himself, I was enamored.
Acquaintance: At the first
After raking myself across the coals all day Friday trying to decide what to wear, I have to admit that I have always hated theme parties, I chose something, dolled myself up, and went. We had a blast that night. I met more people than I had in the three weeks since arriving at State. Before I left, around 3:30 AM, Kelly grabbed me by the arm and said, “Let’s do lunch next week. I’ll text you”
Exploration/Intensification: The following Tuesday I got a text message asking me to meet Kelly at La Fuente for dinner. I went, and had a remarkable time. It couldn’t have gone better if I’d written the story myself, and believe me, I’ve tried. We just seemed to click in the way that so few people do. We discussed everything from politics to our families, from Broadway (which she was ashamed to admit that she loved) to academia. We sat at that restaurant for nearly three hours just talking the night away. Ten minutes after we parted that evening, I received a text message in true Kelly style, “I’m so glad that we got together tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow baby.” Kelly and I became fast friends that night and would grow closer and closer as the time went on.
Intimacy: As the months passed and we worked, played, and laughed together, Kelly and I shared more and more of our lives with one another. Not a day passed that we didn’t get together for a chat. If we did miss one another for a day, as sometimes couldn’t be avoided, we’d make up for it the following day with vigor, catching each other up on what had gone on and assuring one another that we’d make it through, one day at a time. I grew very fond of these moments together, and came to depend upon them as a staple in my every day life.
I was with Kelly through many of her finest moments. The day she took a leap of faith and told her father that she was a lesbian, I was the second person she told, after her Mother. When Kelly applied, and was eventually accepted to Graduate school, I was there, encouraging her and cheering for her. I had the privilege of being there for her through two break ups with the same women, both of which were trying on her soul. I was pleased and honored that she wished to share these moments with me. I wouldn’t trade those late nights for all the fame of Judy Garland in her prime.
Turmoil or Stagnation: It’s hard to say exactly when Kelly and I began to grow apart. A part of me thinks it was when we had a large interpersonal conflict at a conference we both attended. Another voice says that we began to grow apart over this past summer. Either way, as she began to develop a new sense of self, and ventured into different arenas of people, places, and things, so did I; we began to slowly grow apart. We no longer spoke every day, points in our lives went by with the other completely unaware. We were, to put it in the context of this assignment, stagnant.
Deintensification/Individualization: We attempted to rally our friendship a few times, swearing that we’d get together more often and making dates, then canceling them. Kelly was promoted at her job, and while I was happy for her, I was also extremely sad to see her move farther and farther away. She began to socialize more with different people, outside our circle of friends and I began to focus on other circles of people too. We began to move apart.
Separation: Kelly and I began to get more and more involved within our respective circles. I spent much more time with my friends and she with hers. We would see each other at mutual functions and speak, and laugh and remember “the good old days” when we were inseparable. Though we had gone our separate ways, we still held on to that spark that brought us together in the first place. We held on to that something that brings two people together for whatever reason, and makes them companions. Kelly and I were companions in our lives. We shared our secrets, or thoughts, and our aspirations. We discussed everything, sometimes until 4 AM, and never thought it would end.
Postseparation Effects: It did end though, and looking back, I wish I’d tried harder to keep it alive. I do believe that Kelly and I will become close again. If not in the near future, later, when we’ve both established ourselves and are comfortable within our everyday lives. Perhaps we’ll get together, once a month, for drinks and conversation. But if not, as has been said many times before, “We’ve always got yesterday, babe!”
I can pinpoint times when I knew that things where changing within our relationship. That first night at the party she hosted, I was once again, floored by the incredible light that she puts forth. That night I wanted to be a part of her world, and made it my job to do so. When we sat down to dinner for the first time, our conversation was immediate and relaxed. There weren’t awkward pauses and long moments of doubt, it was just free flowing information. I wanted to know about her life, and wanted her to know about mine.
When we began to grow apart, our communication began to slow and eventually came to a hault. This is due, in my opinion, to our change in social scenery. We didn’t do the same things, socialize with the same people, or have the same experiences anymore. We slowly changed our personal circumstances, and with that, came a very soft landing.
