Gay Bar Etiquette

Iffin it’s in a dress, and wearing enough face paint to recreate a van Gough, you can call it a she. Tip her well and compliment her on how she looks. Yes, we all know she’s lip syncing Britney Spears. You’re supposed to ignore that and be dazed and confused by the millions of sequins.

Iffin it’s wearin a shirt, tie, and a bowler hat, you can call it a He. Remember honey, it might look like a man, but you get down into those skivvies and you’re gonna find some silicone. Up top you’re prolly gonna find a tight ace wrap.

It helps to start drinking the moment you walk in the door. If you think this doesn’t make sense to you, and you feel uncomfortable, remember that it doesn’t makes sense to us either. That’s why we drink. The rest of us are a schwasted mess because we’ve learned this lesson already.

The lesbian at the bar with five drinks in her hand is buying for her underage friends. If you bump into her and spill something, you best be prepared to buy another round, or you’re gonna have very angry gaybies snapping at your heels, and thirsty young queers bite.

That old man sitting at the end of the bar wearing a coat and 300 dollar jeans chatting up the bar tender is the “bar Bitch” In his younger days he was hot and fucked many a boy, now he’s just irritable and bitchy. Stay away from him unless you wanna get told the twelve million things that are wrong with you.

If you tip the bartender well, you will get better service and better drinks. They’re only acting uninterested in you because they are. They probably have a headache and are NOT looking forward to cleaning up the bar after you have drug your happy ass home.

Do not worry about people of the same sex hitting on you. If you’re not interested, that’s fine. You can say no thank you and walk away. If you’re hung up and worried about people of the same sex hitting on you, get the fuck out of the bar and go drink with the red necks.

The kid with his shirt off and hands above his head swinging around the dance floor is on an entirely different planet. Try to avoid bumping into him, he’s prolly gonna fall over. If he dances with you, girate for a moment and move on, it’s in your best interest.

Now if you’re standing outside the bathroom and it’s been five minutes, bang three times real hard and say, “Cum already you trashy piece of shit.”
The lesbians will be divided up into Polo shirts and dresses, the gay boys into scarves and t-shirts. Now, they’ll mix if one is fucking the other, but rarely will they be fucking each other. Don’t try to wrap your mind around sex yet, it’s early.

If you go outside to smoke, you’re gonna see some shit. Be prepared. I can’t begin to embellish on what’s out there, but don’t make eye contact. If a 7 foot tall thing in a wig is screaming at someone, and their face happens to be REAL thick, it’s prolly a Cass, and that’s a whole load of crazy you don’t wanna get into.

At the end of the night, there will more than likely be a large man or woman yelling at you to get out of the bar. Understand that S/he wants to go home and is sick and tired of looking at your drunk ass. Bottoms up and out ya go. If you’re lucky you found something to keep ya warm that night. If not, you’re drunk and have more than likely ingested a few things that you’ll regret the next mornion.

LoveLust and Fairydust,
You're fairygodfather

My Wild Heart < 3

In all my wisdom I could never see
the toll this life would take on me.
Force myself up and on with the day
I'm the one you want after your nightmare
but not the one you want for a good time.
I can turn all your music on
even make you feel alive.
You're long gone but you're always on my mind.
This world's got some pretty sick twists.
And there are times i wanna be done with it
but pain is the cost of love and I've paid retail price.
When it comes to men I've been pickin'
the ones who need some fixin'.
I need to put up a bigger fight
cuz if you're gonna be my religion,
then you gotta be a God, right?
If this world is a sea then I'm a bad swimmer.
I don't wanna be a shark, but I could be thinner.
We were floating around dancing to Mary
she said, "Love is real, but baby it's Cash N' Carry."
"Don't be afraid," you said, "Time doesn't exist here."
I said, "I"m sorry baby, but I'm in a different atmosphere."
See I lost me a while ago,baby and I was scared to start looking for me.
But, in a real dark place even the smallest light shines.
You might be scared of your life, but
I'm gonna get on with mine.
There's a spiritual pain in having to start every day
reminding myself of the chain:
We're all just links and we got to add on to be strong.
Because I know who I want to be and who I am.
I might not be him always
but I'm gonna worry bout right now.
Now I know that it's gonna be alright
this is a message to get me to keep on holding tight.
When the lights go down in the city
and the sun shines on the bay
It'll be a beautiful morning when I say
"Today I'm gonna do me.
No excuses, not a victim
and if they can't handle that then the fuck with them
Now I know there's a brighter day
Now i can see that I'm gonna be okay."

Carbon-Copy Katie.

Church every Sunday
with your farm-hand husband
praying you wont end up like she did
miserable, like she is.
You don't wanna be
a carbon-copy Katie
a broken record baby
you could be happy maybe
if your dreams would just come true
you do your work
everyday swallow your emotions
and tuck them away
it's not easy to be your own girl
it could be worth a shot, go on
give it a whirl!
You don't wanna be a
carbon-copy Katie
you wanna see that wheel of Karma turn
it's not enough to stand against the wind.
Take the past and let it burn again
across the sea you run to a new town
maybe this place'll really fit
turns out your burning wasn't enough
the ashes lie where they sit
get up start another round
try to make sense of it.

S.O.I.

In the beginning there was:


In the end there was:
Your state of inebriation
was way past my state of affection
my best loves are divas
so please don't think
i don't know about boys that need attention
We were way past funny
through with smart
getting right into sexy
like a work of devoted art
everything was beautiful
so i couldn't see
that you had broken down all my boundaries
I'm sorry for being so late
but how could i anticipate
your state of inebriation
so beyond my level of affection
I know all about the human body
but yours was one i wanted to explore
dig through the thick to see what makes you tick
and find out who you are
I've been down that road before
with somebody who loves his image more
than anything in this great wide world
and i know that that's not the way to get your wings unfurled
my heart stops
my mind starts
and my heart beats
you couldn't be the one
I'm meant to meet
i guess this is what
keepin' on means
cuz baby, maybe it's only a dream

You're not man enough for me

You have a lotta need

To show me a lotta love

You wanna be brazen and bold

You wanna have all the love that you were told

In the fairy tales and the stories of old

There’s a sunrise after the dark night

And the guy always get’s the “girl”

You need to see however

That though what you want is nothing to be ashamed of

You aren’t man enough for me

Sure you look the part

But that’s only half the battle my young man

I know that you look around you

And see an abundance of relationships that you’re heart wants

But the heart doesn’t always sync with the head

And those stories about throwing caution to the wind

Were written by men who were too bashful to be brazen and bold

You’re not man enough for me

And if you’re not hearing me let me say it louder:

"I’m running through a fight

With bullets in the air

I’m dodging left and right

And your life isn’t my care

I’ve got a loaded gun pointed at you, see

And you’re the aim in my eye

If you’re dumb enough to follow me

You’re dumb enough to die"

11-2-10 Sitting next to Danny on the couch. Scribbled on sticky-notes

At the end of the storm
there is a calm
these feelings will ebb
and there will be a sunrise
a cool breeze that smells of sweetly saturated rain
a damn world receives only that which it can hold


After the glitter fades
after the magic wears off
You'll see with wanton eyes
you'll see with a former view
though what you see is new
the world has dealt with it before
this hand has been played
this game has been won
before you ever stepped on the stage


Consider for a moment
the possibility that your key
does not open this door
and perhaps this door is closed
so that you could open others


It takes conviction and balls
to follow your own path
to be true to thine self
to step off what you've known
and into a bottomless infinity
these things we do we don't timidly
because without belief
our eyes close tiredly
so into a new world I step
on to a new path, yet again


"Everybody, they love a winner
so nobody loved me.
Lady Peaceful, Lady Happy that's what I long to be.
All the odds are, they're in my favor.
Something's bound to begin
It's gonna happen, happen some time.
Maybe this time I'll win!"

God is in the People

I don’t believe in God as some being in the sky that listens to our prayers and answers them. I don’t think that God would have created this world and then told us through any language that some people are less than others because of how they were made, or what differences they were born with. I don’t think any human being has the mental capacity to understand the big hard questions, and come up with an answer for all to follow. I don’t think God is a tangible or visible thing. God is not in a church, or a masque, a temple, or a pyramid. God is a force, in people, that starts a heart on its lifetime of beating. God is the force inside of you that causes your cells to multiply, diversify, and specialize. God is feeling and emotion and understanding and compassion. God is not tangible or visual.

I spent a big portion of my life not believing in god. I refuted the existence of existential power mostly because I was angry. I spent my youth in the Roman Catholic faith, and watched TV as preacher after preacher would condemn my very being. I was an abomination, a disgrace, a child molester, a “Gay Agenda pusher,” a scorn on the face of the earth. Hearing this made me hate those preachers more than they hated me. Because I hated them, I hated the people who listened and believed in them. Because I hated so many people, I was full of rage, and because I was scared I had no outlet to release my rage upon.

Then, when I was 16, I started taking care of people. My patients couldn’t take care of themselves, and despite their personal beliefs, they needed me. I could write a novel about all my job as taught me, and how it’s not just a job, but the biggest thing I have learned is this: If you can see passed people’s outsides, passed their prejudices and misguided notions, you will see that we are all people who need one another from time to time.

That change in understanding is what I believe god is. The human ability to change and understand.

I have friends that have held me as I wept, for no other reason than they love me. That’s God.

This mornings Pathos

Many people are fond of comparing the civil rights movement of the 1960s with the current battle Queer people face today to gain equality. There are a LOT of problems with and holes in this argument, chief among them that being a person who get’s defined as “homosexual” is not comparable to being a person born of color.
Recently the news has covered several tragedies of Queer youth; Children deciding that the future is not worth seeing because the present presents too heavy a burden to bear. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about the selfishness of suicide, and it’s repricutions to those tied to an individual who takes their life. I’ve also heard people talk about bullying being the main cause of such grief, and how we must end the torment and taunting that happens on our “play grounds.”
Now, I am terribly sorry that are souls in this world who feel tormented most by something as natural, beautiful, and powerful as their sexuality. I don’t think that bullying for bulling’s sake has a place in our interpersonal relations, and I hope that one day we’ll all hold hands and sing the praises of peace. That day isn’t today, however, and I live in a reality that reinforces my belief that it will take a lot of time, hard work, and perseverance to achieve even a smidgen of that utopian dream.
When I was in elementary and middle school I was made fun of not only because I was an effeminate male who didn’t conform to the standard society had put forth for me, but also because I was socially awkward and took a lot of tumbles in finding my way around the world. There’s no way in hell I’m going to recount these for your reading pleasure, but I will say that what I endured and learned at that time, though I didn’t know it then, helped shape the person I am today, and is responsible for some of the character attributes I am most proud of. I learned how to charm-and-disarm with humor and witty repartee and saved myself. Not everybody can do this, I know.
I don’t think you can stop teasing and social struggles youth’s culture. I do think we can recognize when teasing turns into bullying, and when someone is being harassed. It’s not difficult to train educators in our children’s schools to notice when a problem occurs. It’s not hard to have a good-old-fashioned gymnasium assembly where someone trying way too hard to be ‘cool’ talks to kids about harassment, and what to do if you feel threatened, and that there are people to talk to. These are easy things that would do so much to help prevent some of this tragedy.
What’s more difficult is changing the mind of the educator who sees no problem when a student is called a “Fag” on a daily basis. The educator who turns a blind eye to a student who is a little too reserved because they have 83 tests to grade and are out of red ink. What’s more difficult is making sure those 10 kids out of 500 that feel hated for something they didn’t choose, know that there is someone who understands and cares.
I have a simple message: “It gets better” is a load of bullshit thicker than Dena Cass’s eye shadow. It’s a message I want to believe, but I can’t. It doesn’t get better if you do nothing about it. The situation for Queer kids can’t/wont improve as long as every single message thrown at us on a daily basis revolves around a heterosexual norm. There’s this, the global problem, and a smaller more tangible local problem. You can get involved locally and impact global change. You can come out of the closet and be brave and strong. You can stand up for someone. You can stand up for yourself.

I'm the only one who'd walk across a fire for you!

The hardest times come when I lose innocence; believing, perhaps innocently, that there was none left to lose.

Fragility is something you must grow out of. Like everything fragile, sometimes you break. There are gaps of putty holding you together. Not until you are fired in the kiln do you grow hard and learn how to hold water.

Love is not a patient, kind thing. Love is vigorous and ferocious. Love is visceral and cannot be forced. Love is the captivating emotion.

Anger is only useful if you are powerful enough to channel it. Anger can define your intentions. Anger will ache and masquerade as many things.

An infatuation can electrify you. Thousands of volts are screaming through you. Once grounded, letting go can be impossible.

To grow is to understand that nothing is perfect. Good, bad, ugly and unfathomable exist in all things.

Perspective requires growth. Perspective changes as we do, backing up from the image until we see new shapes. As those shapes change, so does our interpretation.

“No matter what bothers you now, in a year you will laugh at it” –Joan Rivers

Unless you live it, you have no idea what it's like to be in your twenties, single, queer, and free. Many people can say you don't know what their life is like until you walk a mile in their shoes. I'm not talking about personal life experiences, and sappy emotional moments where music swells and you have your first heart break. I'm talking in the over-generalized sense of what I experience.

There's a collective conscientiousness among young gay men. Be thin, beautiful, tan and tight. Dance well, hold your liquor, never hesitate with a witty come-back, and above all else, make "it' about you. This has existed since time began; when the first neanderthal looked out over the rocky plain and saw a young man sunning himself on a boulder, He felt a quiver beneath his beaver pelt, and next thing you know the rocks are covered in cum.

Sex is everywhere in our culture. It drives our purchases, our likes and dislikes, and is the reason every gay man thinks he's fat. With us, sex is so in your face because for so long we are told what we desire is abnormal. Sleeping Beauty didn't wake up because some big burly butch Dyke kissed her and built her a deck. Though you knew they were fucking, Batman and Robin never kissed each other after they saved a life.

So our PRIDE parades have 95% naked men dancing in bubbles, and if you ever watched the L Word, you know that getting fingered at the Opera can create white the climax during the Aria.

On top of all this sexual aggression and pressure to fit into it, drugs are everywhere you look. Pot, cocaine, and crystal being the en vogue drugs of today. One can abstain from any or all of these and be fine, but there is something magical about a Rihanna Remix at 1:30 AM mixed with too much booze that tends to make one lose their inhibitions in a quick hurry. I've seen young kids be carried off of a dance floor covered in their own vomit, and no one misses a beat.

Danger is the third lady at this table. Danger and thrill are what make everything worth it. It's why you go home with the guy you just met at the bar 15 minutes ago. It's why you drink too much around sweaty people you don't know and dance so hard your legs hurt the next morning. It's walking down the street holding hands with your significant other. It's hanging a rainbow flag from your office balcony. It's getting a rainbow tattoo. Danger is the lube that makes everything slip into the place where it feels just right. Danger is the fear that you won't be able to pick up anybody at the bar, and that's why you work out ten times harder, and eat one less meal.

Sex, drugs, and danger, everything we hold dear. This is a slice of what it's like to be queer, young, and beautiful.

She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes

A Dream

my main goal is this whole non profit dorm deal: When you are cast out it's easy to feel like no one loves you. It's easy to let that pain turn into anger, let that anger boil over, consume you and lead you to make choices that aren't in your best interest. People need to know they are loved, and sometimes your parents aren't the best to raise you. sometimes it takes a village. I wanna see that village thrive, and beautiful people come out of it

I'm sick and tired of seeing HIV rates rise, Drug abuse rise, Physical abuse and suicide rise. I'm god damned tired of it.and i want to do something about it


For years it has been my dream to open a place where people who are cast out from their homes can find a new place to live. Find a place to grow up, a place to thrive and discover themselves.

Too many people in our community get pushed out of their families. When you lose the people who you thought loved you, it's easy to feel alone. When you feel alone it's easy to find comfort it all the wrong places. Often that lonely feeling breeds anger, which manifests into making decisions that aren't in your best interest. we've all been there, we've all done it.

I want there to be a place where kids can get through school, learn who they are, and become prepared young adults in the process.

It's just a dream

Push Play

Hey, Hey! I saved the world today.

I’ve been ready
For twenty two years
For you to come and confront these fears
Is this fate or am I dreaming
I shouldn’t be but it’s you I’m believing
My past lives don’t count tonight
Tomorrow we’ll regret what we did in the moonlight
Alright
I’m ready
Bring this on
I’m not stopping
Till the beat turns on

Death :)

I can tell you there is a point where the soul leaves the body. There is a final breath, a long and drawn out exhale. Then there is stillness. A soul leaves the confines of flesh and there is a visible difference. No longer is there a life force, the remains are simply that. Many people believe it’s best to give a soul an exit: an open door or window. I believe this.

I can tell you that it’s not at all beautiful. The human body is an amazing thing. Whatever force is perpetualising that heart beat is surely not of this world. But when that force is removed, the body shows its many flaws. It’s probably because evolution is not concerned with death; the body is not capable of holding itself together. Due to evolutions disregard for it, I think it’s very important we respect the dead. Though it’s a vacant house, once those rooms were filled with laughter and pain, love and loss, and history matters.

I can tell you the living are much more difficult to handle than the dead. People will go through Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. This we know. What is unknown is how long it takes you to get from stage to stage. Or if you’ll be able to handle them at all. It’s been my experience that people have the most trouble with Anger and Depression/Bargaining. You can tell yourself that you’re fine as much as you want, but we are creatures of many lies. I think folk have problems accepting death in our culture because of how we view it, and how we process it. Death is removed from us entirely. Sometimes you see a body once or twice before a burial or cremation, but you don’t have to prepare it. When a family or loved ones prepared a body after death, there is a certain knowing that occurs, a certain closure.

I am a friend of death. I am familiar with her and I understand how she works. I have seen her take the breath of life. I have seen her end relationships, cause people, sometimes very good people, valuable people, to make impossible decisions. I have seen her cause unending pain. She’s given release, and given satisfaction. She’s given closure, and she’s given money.



Death has made me think a great deal about the concept of value and importance. Value means worth, or the ability to create a return on the investment of life. Importance is having the ability to gain value even if not valuable at the time. Not to separate people out, because on the whole I don’t like ranking systems. I’m being told by a boy that I need to give more examples and less philosophy, so I shall:

**kinda stole this from grey’s but that season finale was bad ass.

If there are two people with equal injuries, say Aortic tear with an unknown amount of internal bleeding in the thoracic cavity. One cardio-thoracic surgeon, both patients will not remain stable long enough for her to operate.
Patient A: female 32 orthopedic surgeons who has saved and changed many lives.
Patient B: Male 28, jealous ex who couldn’t let anyone have her if he couldn’t have her. He’s an angry Panda who usually spends his evenings playing video games and jacking off. Works at Jefferson’s, as a bus boy.

Who do you save? Well I guess I showed my bias.

Anyway. Value is a tumbler half full of gin. Importance is a tumbler sitting next to a bottle.
As I currently feel, all life is important. Some lives have more value than others.

Xoxo Natey

5-20

I kinda want to stare at you all night
not in an awkward manner
but just so i can remember the curves of your face

Wasted, we talked about boys and the bars
kept asking, "you okay?" "you good"
"Yea, baby i'm good"

I let things slide with you that i don't with others
and that creates friction within my mind
but you are so god damned beautiful
though it's impossible that you'd be mine.
I mean really,
the odds of me winning this game are very slim to none.

I"ll try anything once is what i felt
and in to you i leapt
Le'ts hope to god i don't love you i thought
as on your chest i slept.

My Best Dress

Boys break unevenly and Gurls revel in their charms

Smoke swirls ‘round this crowded bar while I’m dancing in your arms

We decided not long ago to make a go of it

I let down my battered walls and showed you all my bullshit

Now I fear I’ve not far to fall till I hit solid ground

When I do I’ll break so big the pieces wont be found

I’m the wearer of many masks I rarely show my face

You have dealt so many cards this hole has found it’s ace

Sometimes you’re scared to talk to me afraid I might lash out

But my truth is in my emotions, they’re what I’m all about

As we’re dancing cheek to cheek there’s something I must confess

I knew that I’d find you, when I put on my best dress

This town has taken it’s toll on us so many souls you can’t trust

I got tangled up too tight and choked off with lust

Many women have tried to take me many men have had their chance

You got all of me tonight with just one dance

Your body fits right into mine you kiss me ‘till I melt

Your heart pounds in time with mine your hand undoes my belt

In the morning I might regret you who knows what the sun will bring

But the moon’s up now so who gives a damn I’m taking off my things

All across this big blue rock people claim they are the best

I knew that I’d find you when I put on my best dress

Debut Haus

My friend Allison and I decided to move in together a while ago. We both live in shit holes we call Gnome Homes. Every wall in my apt has 1969 wood paneling but one. This savior wall is covered in 1982 popular orange shag carpeting. Totally better than sheet rock. This wood paneling is 100% to blame for my current life problems. It's revolting, and I challenge the most well-adjusted queer to live a year in this place and not come out with a depressive disorder.

We looked at two places yesterday. A powder blue ranch that was atrosh and way too tiny, and then the Haus. It's huge. You walk up a classic porch off an angled exterior into the living room. Through the living room you enter a foyer. To your left is a family room, to your right the stairs leading to the second floor. The kitchen isn't enormous, but doesn't feel tight. The natural lighting in the house makes each room light up from the floor up. This reminds me of my parent's house. The bath is off of the kitchen, followed by a washroom and a the steps leading to the basement. The bath is average size and can accommodate two people comfortably. Washroom will fit a washer and dryer easily with room to spare. Basement isn't finished, but a typical Iowa basement. It'll do in a Twister.

Up the stairs to the 2nd floor, you see a small child-sized room painted blue. It will need to be repainted, but has plenty of light and will fit the munchkin well. Across the landing is the master bedroom. Large angular ceilings and windows on each wall. To the left and down a short hall is the secondary bedroom. A walk-closet, and not small. Do-able.

I'm not sure who's moving into the Master yet. It's affordable. I can have pets. I can smoke in the house, though I won't with the yungin 'round. 'Cuz I just cant.

My roomate is great. We share the same sense of humor, and over all view of the world. We have similar goals and similar interests. IE, We're good friends, and I'm uber excited.



I'm concerned about a friend of mine. He's been cruising the ManHunt lately trolling for 3-somes. He's using it as a sociological experiment, so far, but I fear he'll end up getting into "Mommy and Daughter" role play soon.

I really want a dog. I've lived without one for 5 years, and I miss it lots and lots. Logic isn't really applicable here.

I've got to clean and pack today. Let's see if that happens.

xoxo
Natey

Blue

On Monday Alli and I are going to look at a 2-bedroom ranch. I'm hoping we fall in love with it at first sight, but I don't want to get my hopes up, as it's not often good to jump on your first prospect. This is something I had to learn the hard way. With living situations and people.
Alli's daughter will be living with us some of the time. It's been my long-standing opinion that children are awful. But this little girl is cute, polite, and brilliant. She looks like a Bodecelli angel, and she's in love with Lady GaGa. If I have to pick a kid to be okay with, I'm glad I got to pick this one.

Usually I don't warm up to people too easily. I'm generally a guarded and blunt person until you give me a reason to let you in, and even when that occurs, it takes me a bit. This is why I can count my friends on one hand. I don't mean to portray myself as mean spirited, I'm good at acting the part of a "nice" person, but that's what it is, an act. Born of my psyche and portrayed by my toothy smile.

I bring this up because recently I've been going through a lot of problems with people in my life. A very close friend and I haven't spoken in over two months. I'm not sure what started this silence, but it makes me very uncomfortable. I feel awkward trying to talk to her now, because I don't know that we can just pick up where we left off. Relationships, especially long-term relationships, go through ebbs and flows. It's natural and to be expected, that I knew, what I wasn't prepared for was how it makes me feel. I sort of feel like someone's died.

With that awkward situation comes another, but of my own doing. In the past 6 months, I have fallen crazy hard for two different people. Beyond my usual two-week-crush thing. I made a decision about two years ago, that when/if I feel this strongly for someone, it's better to be honest about it, at least with myself. However, I feel I've made a mistake. I took being honest too far, and admitted to both that I had strong feelings for them. I knew from the get that neither would reciprocate my feelings, but I confessed them anyway. Both, of course, were wonderful about it, and let me down easy, and we still talk all the time. But, I can't help feeling sad for myself.

It's crazy to think I'll never find love, I know this, but crazy is in my blood. It's so hard to shake feelings of inadequacy. I just keep repeating to myself "don't judge your insides by other people's outsides" Fucking bullshit is what that is...but bullshit is all I got.



I'm an overly sensitive boy
The day is just beginning
but for me, it's the end of the night.
Sweet dreams, and beautiful night mares

xoxo
natey

Smoothly Spoken

Today was the first beautiful day of 2010. The sky wasn't clear, but the temp was immaculate. I slept until 4:30 because I work graveyard tonight. Cleaning, stocking, and following the beeps. Got laundry going and I've decided I need to do dishes. That's the first hurdle, admitting it. Alli and I have been seriously discussing moving in together. We've both got shitty living situations, and we both want a house. I especially want a dog. I haven't lived with one for four years and I'm really not liking it. I've decided that my best option at the moment is to return to school and pursue a nursing degree. Haven't told people yet. David Sedaris was right, I find it impossible to write without a cigarette. Times as they stand are considerably more difficult than they have been. I'm going through a lot of changes with my job, things I can't put on the internet, though I wish I could. When I move on, I'll post everything. Allegedly. My neighbors play music so loud that it vibrates my walls. Not good music. Mariachi shit that makes me fear I'll tympanically hemorrhage. This occurs around mid night. I've been the nice person a few times and asked them to turn it down when I have to work in the AM, but they continue to blast it. Upside? I'm learning Spanish.
My new favorite tune is Jason Mraz: Gypsy MC
Nick Simmons is gorgeous


Today was the type of day you spend walking outside with a 40.



xx
Natey

Gay Triage

Patient 1: Patient is a white male 23 years of age. Patient arrived at 0115 to BAR. Presents with mystifying green eyes, solid sense of humor, bright smile that could land planes at O'Hare, and a wonderful ability to make everything better. Patient reports no pain, but loss is not so easily disguised. VS: within normal limits, however euphoria seems to take over cognition. Patient requires extensive baggage removal, two martinis, and unending support. Will continue to monitor.

Patient 2: Patient is a white male 20 years of age. Patient arrived at 2232 to BAR. Presents with multiple wounds the heart, ego, and self-esteem. Patient states, "I just never get what I want. Am I ugly? I'm too fat. It's alright, you don't have to agree with me, I know." 2250 Doctor Johnson called for psyche consult. Patient referred to Psychiatric Care.

Patient 3: 0335 Patient is a black female 24 years of age. Presents with severe abdominal discomfort accompanied by emesis and occasional vertigo. Orders for pushed fluids and and hair follicle restraint implemented. Patient Hx would suggest an extended period of drinking followed by periods of black-out. Patient has been ignored by family for 10 years, and has attempted to execute a series of short-lived relationships. Currently, she is living with a woman 23 years her senior in an attempt to feel love and adoration. 0950 Patient refused care and retreated to a gin joint in her leather jacket. Discharge papers signed, "Mommy issues."

Patient 4: 1545 Patient is a latino male 22 years of age. Presents with severe confusion and disorientation. Unable to obtain accurate VS due to heart beating out of chest. S/S of increased anxiety and irrational fear. Doctor Haden ordered 1 box trojan condoms, 10 count, and one bottle WET lube. Patient given medication per doctors order and discharged with instruction to, "Kick up your heels and fuck!"


xoxo
natey

Toaster Clarification

Way back in the day, when you opened a new account at a bank, or an insurance company, you would receive a gift. Often this token of the capitalist systems gratitude was a toaster.

In the Community, often you will find people who have come out with the assistance of another. Usually either a fairy that wants to fuck you, or a seemingly well-adjusted lesbian. When these people assist others to better know a cock-or-vag, they gain what is called a "toaster"

Please consider the following scenario:

Lesbian A, lives down the hall in the dorm from Straight Girl B. (Feesh Lover)
Lesbian A introduces herself to Feesh Lover and they become the best of friends. Bonding over sad songs and similar collegiate problems.
Lesbian A comes out to Feesh Lover and they become even closer.
Lesbian A comes on to Feesh Lover at a drunken Saturday night house party.
Feesh lover wakes up the next morning and calls her best friend from high school who went to a Christian College.
Feesh lover struggles over her sexuality for days, and doesn't speak to our beloved Lesbian A during this time.
Feesh Lover sends Lesbian A a very telling and emotional Facebook Message.
Lesbian A rushes to Feesh Lover's room in the middle of the night, they do things.
Feesh lover get's a tattoo and declares herself Lesbian B.

Lesbian A has gained a toaster.

Hopefully this clarifies things for you chillun who don't understand us "old broads"

xoxo
Nate

5 anonymous messages to people on line.

So my friend spilled soda on my lap top keyboard. Getting a space is like watching a full episode of StarTrek, hard to do

.

1. I've crushed on you since I saw you my Freshman year at a house party in Ames. You were there with your harem of followers and your best friend. At first I thought you two were together, but then saw your friends boyfriend, and learned better. I still stalk you all the time. I still think you're beautiful.

2. You know me better than anyone else on this planet. We're going through some stuff in our relationship right now,but we'll get through it. It's not over, just a dry spell. Every couple experiences lesbian bed death once or twice. No worries beb.

3. I've listened to your music forever. I love the way you sing, the way you write,and the way you perform. I'm just captivated by your presence. And when I figured out Lindsay knew you, well then I had to hunt you down. Thankfully, I was, and continue to be impressed.

4. When I first met you, I thought you were very sweet and naive. I've learned that you are very sweet, but naive you aren't. You've gotten me into more shit than I care to relive and saved me when I needed it. I love you, very much.

5. What was three weeks to the rest of the world was a lifetime to us.

Schwasted

Jack, Johnnie, Jimmy, and Jose all fucked us before we got to this party.