Up up and away

Cuz I toss, and I turn, and it doesn't feel right

I'm removing myself from your situation
And standing my ground
It'll Be hard without the infatuation
When your skin tight jeans come around
You drive all the boys crazy
And all the men wild
But does your heart have what it needs
Or will you stay pretty and mild?
It's not about your character
As if to convince yourself
It's all about your situation
As if there wasn't another time
When you could have chosen the life that follows the line
But even that doesn't connect
Bringing up the past is supposed to hurt when it's broken
But there's no pain
Maybe this is what I'm supposed to know
That in order to help you
My light has to fade to a glow
In order to manipulate a situation in such a way that a person will not die
I
Have to step back, think only of them
Grow from a shining leo to a dim glow
And yes, it is a growth to downgrade
And that growth is something I struggle with every day of my life
But when it is required of me
It comes naturally, effortlessly.
It's the easiest time I don't focus on me
So in the natural order of things, I don't believe we fit
But the severity of this problem isn't nearly as concrete
I will never be able to run from you
Even though we don't fit, we're two corner pieces
And they'll always start with us
And we'll always act as if we didn't know
I'm done darling
I can't lie about it anymore.
So I'm admitting it to myself
And cutting off my corner.
Mwah!

let's pretend

A teensy part of something i'm working on. eventually i'll put lots of life stages in it, i think. maybe.
love


"Let me pretend that you're my boyfriend
As long as you're in my bed, I can play with you in my head"
For as long as you're here
We've got more than one night, we've got forever.
This is our story

I'll ask you to move in with me on a Saturday night in august
I'll sing you a song about how much I love you and how much I want to share all of my life with you.
It will rhyme and describe you with affluent adjectives
You'll laugh, tell me how ridiculous I am, We'll fall to the ground kissing
You won't answer my question till the next morning
Because you had to think about it
You're damaged like that
I understand this, and you, being compelled by my overwhelming amount of understanding, will accept
Our first real fight will be over taking the dogs out
Your dog will constantly beat up my dog
Knowing it's not your fault, I'll bring it up anyway
I don't know why
:I'll leave angry
Clear my thoughts and come back
We'll say sorry
I'll cry and you'll tell me I'm the girl in the relationship
We wont have sex for…
Six hours

"Keep going," he said as he laid his hand on my chest
We'll have a wedding, swearing that it's not a wedding
Or a political statement
I'll dance with your mom
She'll threaten my life should I break your heart
And insist that she knows exactly how to dispose of my body
Then she'll have more Jose
Your sister will drink far too much
Forgetting her two screaming children and husband
While I hold her hair in the bathroom
She'll like me then

We're thinking of adopting someday
Probably a little Chinese girl
We'll name her after our mothers
A lesbian named SkyGrass or MoonTulip or something similar will be our surrogate
We'll move to a home with a front and back yard.
We'll fret over choosing an appropriate pre-school
We'll search out schools that claim to understand the 'body method'
We'll insist that our daughter is just as amazing in her own right as every child is
No less, no more
But then go on and on about her budding affinity for classical music

The first sleep over will be a nightmare
Her friends parents wont allow their daughter to spend the night in a gay men's house
She wont understand this
We wont know how to explain it
We'll call our parents to figure out how
And still won't be able to
We'll go on a Rosie Cruise from New York to Florida to show her how great gays are
A lesbian will inform us that she'll totally grow up to be a butch
We spend the rest of the cruise fighting about not putting her in enough pink when she was a baby

what it is to have want

I can't flow today
My muses gone
I can't seem to tell the stories in my head
They're there in memories and observations
But I can't put them down right
Or right enough for me

I have no technique
I don't know if this is writer's block
Or a lack of inspiration
Or lack of internet

Classes started two weeks ago and it feels really weird not going to school
Lots of people keep texting me
I forget that they don't know
I haven't made an official facebook announcement
Nate is feeling awkward about taking a semester off

I miss college sometimes
And then remember how much I hated it
And dread going back in January
I'll be an RN in a little over two years hopefully
I'll be getting' good money made
But I'm still hoping to work back into the "movement" soon

I can't explain how much of an impact it's had on me
It defined my growth for the past three years.
More than that, it defined my social networks
I regret that part the most I think
Too many broken hearts because of business driving pleasure

I had a good cry about it a while ago.
At the time, I felt that the root of my problem extended from the people I surrounded myself with
They weren't people of my nature.
I was wrong, because they were attracted to the flashing lights just like I was
We just had different ways of getting there
And tried to mix them together
With booze, hard music, and fast living
Christ we were fabulous

It wasn't really the people I associated with
It was more about the way in which I associated with them.
I shouldn't have been so quick to become so close
The task now is
How not to let that have a strong effect on my future relationships.
The question becomes how to do that
And the test will be if I can be hurt again