I don’t believe in God as some being in the sky that listens to our prayers and answers them. I don’t think that God would have created this world and then told us through any language that some people are less than others because of how they were made, or what differences they were born with. I don’t think any human being has the mental capacity to understand the big hard questions, and come up with an answer for all to follow. I don’t think God is a tangible or visible thing. God is not in a church, or a masque, a temple, or a pyramid. God is a force, in people, that starts a heart on its lifetime of beating. God is the force inside of you that causes your cells to multiply, diversify, and specialize. God is feeling and emotion and understanding and compassion. God is not tangible or visual.
I spent a big portion of my life not believing in god. I refuted the existence of existential power mostly because I was angry. I spent my youth in the Roman Catholic faith, and watched TV as preacher after preacher would condemn my very being. I was an abomination, a disgrace, a child molester, a “Gay Agenda pusher,” a scorn on the face of the earth. Hearing this made me hate those preachers more than they hated me. Because I hated them, I hated the people who listened and believed in them. Because I hated so many people, I was full of rage, and because I was scared I had no outlet to release my rage upon.
Then, when I was 16, I started taking care of people. My patients couldn’t take care of themselves, and despite their personal beliefs, they needed me. I could write a novel about all my job as taught me, and how it’s not just a job, but the biggest thing I have learned is this: If you can see passed people’s outsides, passed their prejudices and misguided notions, you will see that we are all people who need one another from time to time.
That change in understanding is what I believe god is. The human ability to change and understand.
I have friends that have held me as I wept, for no other reason than they love me. That’s God.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
This mornings Pathos
Many people are fond of comparing the civil rights movement of the 1960s with the current battle Queer people face today to gain equality. There are a LOT of problems with and holes in this argument, chief among them that being a person who get’s defined as “homosexual” is not comparable to being a person born of color.
Recently the news has covered several tragedies of Queer youth; Children deciding that the future is not worth seeing because the present presents too heavy a burden to bear. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about the selfishness of suicide, and it’s repricutions to those tied to an individual who takes their life. I’ve also heard people talk about bullying being the main cause of such grief, and how we must end the torment and taunting that happens on our “play grounds.”
Now, I am terribly sorry that are souls in this world who feel tormented most by something as natural, beautiful, and powerful as their sexuality. I don’t think that bullying for bulling’s sake has a place in our interpersonal relations, and I hope that one day we’ll all hold hands and sing the praises of peace. That day isn’t today, however, and I live in a reality that reinforces my belief that it will take a lot of time, hard work, and perseverance to achieve even a smidgen of that utopian dream.
When I was in elementary and middle school I was made fun of not only because I was an effeminate male who didn’t conform to the standard society had put forth for me, but also because I was socially awkward and took a lot of tumbles in finding my way around the world. There’s no way in hell I’m going to recount these for your reading pleasure, but I will say that what I endured and learned at that time, though I didn’t know it then, helped shape the person I am today, and is responsible for some of the character attributes I am most proud of. I learned how to charm-and-disarm with humor and witty repartee and saved myself. Not everybody can do this, I know.
I don’t think you can stop teasing and social struggles youth’s culture. I do think we can recognize when teasing turns into bullying, and when someone is being harassed. It’s not difficult to train educators in our children’s schools to notice when a problem occurs. It’s not hard to have a good-old-fashioned gymnasium assembly where someone trying way too hard to be ‘cool’ talks to kids about harassment, and what to do if you feel threatened, and that there are people to talk to. These are easy things that would do so much to help prevent some of this tragedy.
What’s more difficult is changing the mind of the educator who sees no problem when a student is called a “Fag” on a daily basis. The educator who turns a blind eye to a student who is a little too reserved because they have 83 tests to grade and are out of red ink. What’s more difficult is making sure those 10 kids out of 500 that feel hated for something they didn’t choose, know that there is someone who understands and cares.
I have a simple message: “It gets better” is a load of bullshit thicker than Dena Cass’s eye shadow. It’s a message I want to believe, but I can’t. It doesn’t get better if you do nothing about it. The situation for Queer kids can’t/wont improve as long as every single message thrown at us on a daily basis revolves around a heterosexual norm. There’s this, the global problem, and a smaller more tangible local problem. You can get involved locally and impact global change. You can come out of the closet and be brave and strong. You can stand up for someone. You can stand up for yourself.
Recently the news has covered several tragedies of Queer youth; Children deciding that the future is not worth seeing because the present presents too heavy a burden to bear. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about the selfishness of suicide, and it’s repricutions to those tied to an individual who takes their life. I’ve also heard people talk about bullying being the main cause of such grief, and how we must end the torment and taunting that happens on our “play grounds.”
Now, I am terribly sorry that are souls in this world who feel tormented most by something as natural, beautiful, and powerful as their sexuality. I don’t think that bullying for bulling’s sake has a place in our interpersonal relations, and I hope that one day we’ll all hold hands and sing the praises of peace. That day isn’t today, however, and I live in a reality that reinforces my belief that it will take a lot of time, hard work, and perseverance to achieve even a smidgen of that utopian dream.
When I was in elementary and middle school I was made fun of not only because I was an effeminate male who didn’t conform to the standard society had put forth for me, but also because I was socially awkward and took a lot of tumbles in finding my way around the world. There’s no way in hell I’m going to recount these for your reading pleasure, but I will say that what I endured and learned at that time, though I didn’t know it then, helped shape the person I am today, and is responsible for some of the character attributes I am most proud of. I learned how to charm-and-disarm with humor and witty repartee and saved myself. Not everybody can do this, I know.
I don’t think you can stop teasing and social struggles youth’s culture. I do think we can recognize when teasing turns into bullying, and when someone is being harassed. It’s not difficult to train educators in our children’s schools to notice when a problem occurs. It’s not hard to have a good-old-fashioned gymnasium assembly where someone trying way too hard to be ‘cool’ talks to kids about harassment, and what to do if you feel threatened, and that there are people to talk to. These are easy things that would do so much to help prevent some of this tragedy.
What’s more difficult is changing the mind of the educator who sees no problem when a student is called a “Fag” on a daily basis. The educator who turns a blind eye to a student who is a little too reserved because they have 83 tests to grade and are out of red ink. What’s more difficult is making sure those 10 kids out of 500 that feel hated for something they didn’t choose, know that there is someone who understands and cares.
I have a simple message: “It gets better” is a load of bullshit thicker than Dena Cass’s eye shadow. It’s a message I want to believe, but I can’t. It doesn’t get better if you do nothing about it. The situation for Queer kids can’t/wont improve as long as every single message thrown at us on a daily basis revolves around a heterosexual norm. There’s this, the global problem, and a smaller more tangible local problem. You can get involved locally and impact global change. You can come out of the closet and be brave and strong. You can stand up for someone. You can stand up for yourself.
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