Death :)

I can tell you there is a point where the soul leaves the body. There is a final breath, a long and drawn out exhale. Then there is stillness. A soul leaves the confines of flesh and there is a visible difference. No longer is there a life force, the remains are simply that. Many people believe it’s best to give a soul an exit: an open door or window. I believe this.

I can tell you that it’s not at all beautiful. The human body is an amazing thing. Whatever force is perpetualising that heart beat is surely not of this world. But when that force is removed, the body shows its many flaws. It’s probably because evolution is not concerned with death; the body is not capable of holding itself together. Due to evolutions disregard for it, I think it’s very important we respect the dead. Though it’s a vacant house, once those rooms were filled with laughter and pain, love and loss, and history matters.

I can tell you the living are much more difficult to handle than the dead. People will go through Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. This we know. What is unknown is how long it takes you to get from stage to stage. Or if you’ll be able to handle them at all. It’s been my experience that people have the most trouble with Anger and Depression/Bargaining. You can tell yourself that you’re fine as much as you want, but we are creatures of many lies. I think folk have problems accepting death in our culture because of how we view it, and how we process it. Death is removed from us entirely. Sometimes you see a body once or twice before a burial or cremation, but you don’t have to prepare it. When a family or loved ones prepared a body after death, there is a certain knowing that occurs, a certain closure.

I am a friend of death. I am familiar with her and I understand how she works. I have seen her take the breath of life. I have seen her end relationships, cause people, sometimes very good people, valuable people, to make impossible decisions. I have seen her cause unending pain. She’s given release, and given satisfaction. She’s given closure, and she’s given money.



Death has made me think a great deal about the concept of value and importance. Value means worth, or the ability to create a return on the investment of life. Importance is having the ability to gain value even if not valuable at the time. Not to separate people out, because on the whole I don’t like ranking systems. I’m being told by a boy that I need to give more examples and less philosophy, so I shall:

**kinda stole this from grey’s but that season finale was bad ass.

If there are two people with equal injuries, say Aortic tear with an unknown amount of internal bleeding in the thoracic cavity. One cardio-thoracic surgeon, both patients will not remain stable long enough for her to operate.
Patient A: female 32 orthopedic surgeons who has saved and changed many lives.
Patient B: Male 28, jealous ex who couldn’t let anyone have her if he couldn’t have her. He’s an angry Panda who usually spends his evenings playing video games and jacking off. Works at Jefferson’s, as a bus boy.

Who do you save? Well I guess I showed my bias.

Anyway. Value is a tumbler half full of gin. Importance is a tumbler sitting next to a bottle.
As I currently feel, all life is important. Some lives have more value than others.

Xoxo Natey

5-20

I kinda want to stare at you all night
not in an awkward manner
but just so i can remember the curves of your face

Wasted, we talked about boys and the bars
kept asking, "you okay?" "you good"
"Yea, baby i'm good"

I let things slide with you that i don't with others
and that creates friction within my mind
but you are so god damned beautiful
though it's impossible that you'd be mine.
I mean really,
the odds of me winning this game are very slim to none.

I"ll try anything once is what i felt
and in to you i leapt
Le'ts hope to god i don't love you i thought
as on your chest i slept.

My Best Dress

Boys break unevenly and Gurls revel in their charms

Smoke swirls ‘round this crowded bar while I’m dancing in your arms

We decided not long ago to make a go of it

I let down my battered walls and showed you all my bullshit

Now I fear I’ve not far to fall till I hit solid ground

When I do I’ll break so big the pieces wont be found

I’m the wearer of many masks I rarely show my face

You have dealt so many cards this hole has found it’s ace

Sometimes you’re scared to talk to me afraid I might lash out

But my truth is in my emotions, they’re what I’m all about

As we’re dancing cheek to cheek there’s something I must confess

I knew that I’d find you, when I put on my best dress

This town has taken it’s toll on us so many souls you can’t trust

I got tangled up too tight and choked off with lust

Many women have tried to take me many men have had their chance

You got all of me tonight with just one dance

Your body fits right into mine you kiss me ‘till I melt

Your heart pounds in time with mine your hand undoes my belt

In the morning I might regret you who knows what the sun will bring

But the moon’s up now so who gives a damn I’m taking off my things

All across this big blue rock people claim they are the best

I knew that I’d find you when I put on my best dress